You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
