so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize