I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
