She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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