I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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