but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
