Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
