I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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