thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize