I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
