DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
