My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
