K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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