Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
