for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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