Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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