Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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