God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
