nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
