peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize