we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize