I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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