I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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