ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
