I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
organizing the empties. That sober.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
