and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
