Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
