Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
