If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
