guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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