Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
