Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
