I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
