he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
