He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Randomize
