I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
