Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
