I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize