my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
