Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
