fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize