Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
