My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
