fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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