Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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