we have pet lesbian snakes
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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