She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
