I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
