I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize