I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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