I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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