I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
