shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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