Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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