I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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