Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
