I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
