You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
