guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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