I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
