i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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