Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
