make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
