is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
