he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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