We're like a lot better than the average bears
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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