i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
