In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
