Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
