Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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