I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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