If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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