I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
