Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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