so that wasnt chicken after all
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
