This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
