i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
