For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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