When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
