We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
