we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
