I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize