i permit you to call me
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
