He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
