"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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