Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
