woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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