To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
